because tonight, is the night.
smile and never look back.
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When I woke up this morning, I somehow realized that I love you even more than I normally do. Seeing you would make my day shine, made it worthwhile. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being just a bit loopy. Or maybe I just found a sign of happiness somewhere in my dark life. I’m tough, but my heart is not cold. And there are times I just yearn for your attention. And at times, I feel sad because I feel that you look right through me. Or I feel that you’re too busy to care or be around me anymore. You’re so far out of my reach and i just want to catch up. But I don’t know how can I. I can’t tell you that I just want to talk to you, you’re busy, and I just can’t bother. And no matter how I wait,it becomes nothing but rather a game. I feel that you’re bored. And I’m starting to believe in the fact that you probably don’t love me anymore.
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i don’t get it, i simply just don’t understand. It’s hard enough trying to make a day go by happily, and then you add in key problems. I wish I knew, but didn’t find out. Then I wouldn’t be tossing and turning around. Don’t give me things to over think about. Don’t make me feel like there’s nothing left. If I hadn’t already said everything that i’ve felt, then no attention was given. They say that a bad day starts from the moment you wake up. That’s probably true. Can’t time travel either, so the bad day epidemic just continues on. Maybe I’m just unlucky? I don’t know. I’ve never been one to believe in such lucks. I wish I never found out. Now it’s a total mess.
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I’m starting to feel like Tumblr is my escape for days that aren’t so sunny. Or maybe I’m just tired and don’t want it to be sunny at all. Some times I feel kind of shitty, and I don’t know what I should do, or say. I can’t seem to find the right words to express how I feel. Whether I feel anything at all. Sometimes I don’t understand why our pride is so important. I get that it’s something we have to rely on, but why do we need to value it so much? Isn’t our own judgment better than of those around us? I realize everyone has their own opinions, and neither is right or wrong. It’s just how we perceive everything. I can honestly say, I love you the way that you are. If I could say and express how much I DO care and love you, I don’t think it’s large enough. I’m a wreck. I make myself angry, though I know I shouldn’t. Absolutely pointless. I am beginning to feel like I’m losing myself. Could we turn back time, please? Can i please just stay by your side? I’d rather be told off than be ignored. Silence hurts so much more. I couldn’t even see a shadow. Why must our hearts be so fragile like glass? You drop it, it shatters into pieces. why must we be such fragile little things…
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i wished that, i wasn’t always so unhappy. that i could just barf out rainbows and unicorns. but here’s reality, I can’t. I can’t seem to smile. And if I do, it’s so fake. Everyone sees right through me, no one truly understands. No one seems to give a damn anyway. some times, that’s all there is to it. pain and heartbreaks. never really a reason to my why. I break my own heart, i take a needle and stab it into my heart. Because, I’d rather be hurt. Or maybe it’s just that, I don’t want others to hurt me. Am i stupid or just naive. There was a point in time where everything seemed okay. where’d that point go? Did I do some thing so horrible that that’s what i deserve now? My heart will never open up again.
